Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
