its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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