So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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