I'm gonna have a badass scar
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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