Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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