If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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