I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
