Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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