i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
