I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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