: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
