I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
