i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
