3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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