you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
