Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just invented taco cereal.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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