where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
