His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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