I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
