So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
