It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
