Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
