May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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