even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
