Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Send help, water and tortillas.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
