clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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