I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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