Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am one with the molecules
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
