I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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