You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
