Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
