there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
