I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
