college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
