i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
