I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
