i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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