omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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