I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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