You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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