If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
