I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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