I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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