Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
