I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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