you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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