People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
