to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
