dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
