Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
