he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
