i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
