Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
