When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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