Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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